I Don’t Know Why, But I Feel Depressed.

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Those who are reading this, I want them to know that they can, too, be a victim of this and that depression always comes unannounced. However, you can get help, and you can get out of it.

Another thing I would like to add is that not everyone understands depression, and it is extremely hard to make the people around you understand that you are going through something which isn’t normal.

Right now, I feel that the world doesn’t understand me, and I don’t feel okay with that. I think that those closest to me, who should be helping me out in this tough time, are in fact, just making fun of me.

I really feel like getting help for this problem, and I will explain my symptoms in a bit but before that, I just want to add that most of the depressed people don’t tell anyone they’re depressed, because they feel others around them (and this is most of the times) are going through far worse things in their lives, and they don’t want anyone else to be influenced by it, or anyone else thinking that they have the right to be depressed and not the person who is going through it.

I also read online somewhere that you lose your interest in your love life, your relationships, and sex.

It has been mentioned that the prescription drugs that are used to treat depression take away a person’s drive and affect the overall performance in the bedroom. I would agree to it because I’ve seen it happen to so many people around the world (read in magazines, and the stories of people who went through depression, etc.)

There are so many other things that I would like to mention here, perhaps the fact most that your own best friends would tell you, ‘no, you don’t have any depression. Stop it.’ Once you realise you are truly alone in this, that’s when you start researching, to find a solution and to put an end to it.

The first thing I did was cry. I did not feel like waking up in the mornings and I felt ungrateful for the job I had. I left/quit work without a solid reason to. I felt fatigued most of the time and didn’t want to meet so many people. (In the past, I have been a social butterfly and only recently a few years back, I realised that I had become an introvert and that I gained energy and happiness by spending time alone with my books and my procrastination, which is why I became a writer).

After the crying was done and over with, I tried talking to myself. Speaking to myself has always been one of my most favourite things to do, I enjoy lecturing myself on things I really need to tell myself. I tell myself it will be okay, and sometimes I even imagine telling people my success story of coping with depression, and how I got out of it so I can inspire others and help people out of it.

I read alot of Robin Sharma, and other self-help books. I read about cleaning your clutter and your own personal aura, read articles on WEBmd on curing depression, the symptoms and even about what happens if depression goes untreated.

A mild history about depression in the family: my dad’s sister and my dad himself went through it at a certain stage in their lives, even my mother when she was going through something heart-breaking in her life. At many points in our lives, I believe, we all go through depression of one sort or another. The important factor here, however, is to be aware of it, and be able to conquer it.

However, the depression I feel is nothing of the sort that is felt two or three weeks when something ends. Be it a relationship, or the demise of a loved one, or a moving on period from anything at all, even a pet. That kind of depression is mild, you know you’re unhappy and sad and you’re grieving, but you also know that you will be over it soon and come out of it happiest.

I have always had the worst case of depression, possibly because I’ve been doomed with the curse of thinking too much, observing too much and feeling too much. The gift of writing comes to me naturally because of it, it’s the most beautiful form of expression in which I can let out my feelings happily, even when I’m stressed, depressed, or anything at all. It is my personal diary, my stress and pain reliever. I love to talk to the screen for hours and hours. It asks no questions. It trusts that I’m in pain. It helps and it does not retort.

What you should firstly google is the kind of depression you have. If you have more than 1 symptoms of depression, you should immediately tell a parent, or a friend what you’re going through. If no one is out there who believes you, go visit a doctor and ask them about your condition, and whether it’s normal/mild depression which will go away. However, if you experience it like I do, you need some help.

Something that I read and really want to share about what I go through is this:

People who are depressed cannot simply “pull themselves together” and be cured.

That just sums it all up. It’s really hard, and I have tried alot of times. Call it a different of will power, or having neurosis (causing you to feel too much negativity and pessimism in the world around you), whatever it is, and if you have it, dear reader, I know exactly how you feel. It’s really hard and people will be extra hurtful to you, because sometimes they don’t understand that psychological disorders hit people. That’s okay, and you don’t have to feel alone.

At this point in my life, I’m so fed up and sick of the people and world around me, that I want to be left alone. I want to quietly have one corner of the room, where I can invest my time in books, movies, and write. That’s all I really want to do, and have no interaction with anyone. I used to think this was all normal and part of who I am, well that’s half true. Part of me has been clinically depressed for years, and now I’ve started to realise that this fatigue, neck pains and back pains are not just signs of an unhealthy diet and sleep routine, but a little something more.

I think I might need to see a doctor at this point, so they can help me decide what I’m going through. I feel a lack of interest in my life, career and anything and everything around me. I feel anything I do is going to be worthless, that there are far better people out there in the world, doing better than me at any profession that I choose. People who are younger than me, who are achieving way more than I ever did. People making me feel that I have wasted years and years of my life, making me feel like I’ve been defeated. That I wasn’t good enough and that I have wasted time so much.

depression

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