It’s Been A Month Since I Wanted To Start Out.

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Why do I always start procrastinating? I don’t know what I’m scared of. Life? People? Failing? Don’t know which of this is the bigger evil in my life. However, I need to fix it right now. I start something and then remain inconsistent, the task loses its spark and I stop focusing on it and before long, I’m not into it anymore and I stop.

Why? I have YET to figure it out. I just think that I should finish the things that I had set out to do. I was FINALLY getting there. Just had atleast two more weeks to go till I would have completely given away EVERYTHING in the extra closets in the house, including shoes, bags, extra clothes, even jewellery and lip glosses. But now the things are just lying in the store room, and some of them in my room, and I think everyday to myself ‘I will do this and these will go today’, and that today never happens!

Why have I started procrastinating again? One wrong happens in my life and before I know it, I’m back to square one. I’m back to keeping a messy car and I’m back to having a messy room. Why do I do this? Why can’t I stay consistent?

I have these huge lists of things that I intend to do. I have time to write it all down. I have time to THINK that so and so things will make me a better person, and my work will be more rewarding if I do so and so. Then why don’t I keep consistent? Why do I need a quote a day to remind me what it is I should really be focusing on? I have been wasting so many years on experiences alone and yet I haven’t really learnt anything except that I should relax. Okay yeah I am a more relaxed person now but I shouldn’t just lay back on my dreams and think by doing nothing I’ll get somewhere.

Hardly EVER happens that way.

I’ve realised that I am no longer going to procrastinate anymore. I will do things in their due time. Change of jobs? Just do it. Cleaning up room? Just do it. Need to throw away old memories/trash? Do it. I need to do all of these things and once out of my system, I will do them. Need to give away so  many clothes, most of all.

So the first step is getting the ‘clutter’ out of the system. I was on it and suddenly I zoned out due to problems in my personal life. Career/love/family. But now, I will get back to it and read Karen Kingston’s Clear your Clutter again, so that I develop the same bond that I had developed a few weeks ago. I HATE when work takes over your life so much that you hardly have any time for yourself. THIS IS THE TIME FOR MYSELF, I’ve realised. I’m young right now, for what, another 3 years? So I should make the most of this life and do whatever the FUCK I want to do right now.

Let’s earn money but do it all in the time it is allotted in. I’ve realised that skipping days of gym even, makes me feel sick and like I’m not consistent. I don’t want that in my life. And I am not even focusing on my music anymore because of the toll my worklife is having on my life.

Oh, and I HATE SUNDAYS.

They just make you feel super lazy and they are such a waste of a day. Seriously.

Anyways, coming back to the point. I think I need to start with the closets, throw things out. Then I will go to my store room, and throw everything from there into big boxes that I will give away to charity. Or maybe my own maids. I need everything to go so I feel mentally relieved, all these things are such a burden on my life right now.

After that, I want to move towards the books. Take out time to read all the books that are just STANDING there, looking at me from my cupboard. I feel so guilty for buying them all, and then not having the time to read them because why? Because FACEBOOK. FUCK YOU FACEBOOK! I really need to stop getting distracted and focus FOCUS much much more than I do at the moment.

Look at everyone around me, and what they’re achieving in their lives. Well me, I’m just sitting here, eating and WASTING MY TALENT. I need to do something, I need to get somewhere. WHY THE HELL AM I SO LAZY?

Maybe I’m diabetic. Whatever the case is, I’ll find out tomorrow. I just hope that I don’t have one more problem in my life. And well, this one will be here to stay, if God forbid the results are positive.

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