Writing after 2 months, I feel like a lot has changed in my life. There was a time when I was working for a newspaper at Mall Road, right in front of the Punjab Assembly. With protests blocking my way every other day, and the really off timings which led me to fatigue and aggression after a couple of months, I realized that the field of journalism I so enthusiastically wanted to work for, wasn’t really ‘all that’ in Pakistan, unless I was working as a news anchor or a talk show host for a proper Television channel.
I decided to do something different with my life, because I was unhappy and unsatisfied with my current position. So I left, and went to Dubai for a week’s holidays. It did me good to relax and be myself for a while, and ofcourse for a woman, retail therapy is the best kind of therapy there is, unless we talk about body massages. Well, those for next time then.
I looked all over for a job for a while and couldn’t find one which fit all my self-esteem and financial needs. To be honest, there are not alot of job offers in Pakistan that actually cater to all your needs. You just have to make the most of what you have. However, one fine day I got an offer I couldn’t refuse (yes, literally a better salary and working conditions) and I accepted. Anything was better than sitting at home not earning money. At that moment, at least.
I realize now after 5 months of working at the place that no job is a ‘dream job’, that’s just a notion that we have for the first few months of working anywhere. Every job is the same after that; once the bosses get to see your potential they want nothing but more out of you, even if you’re doing your level best, they will push you for the ‘bestest’.
Things are great, to be honest, but in the midst of this rat race of ‘full potential’ and ‘being the best I can be’ I’ve realized that there is no time left to give to your parents or your siblings, you don’t get money to spend on yourself because you’re too busy filling your petrol and getting your car fixed, or buying cellphone cards for your phone or buying a new phone or fixing your laptop, and the list just never stops.
This money you work so hard on, eventually just pays off as bills and loans. And there are yet so many other things that you wish you were doing with your time, and even when you have all the money to finally do all that, you have no organised schedule or list of things to ACTUALLY get where you were headed to.
Sometimes, life just gets depressing when you think of all the things you could have done with all this time that you spend on being so perfect for your bosses. Like, playing music and practicing your singing, for example. That is one time I never regret. Or buying musical equipment that you so badly have needed since you were a little kid. Or have all the books to yourself that you wish so badly to read, but never get the time to because your phone’s always ringing.
In the midst of it all, I listened to a scholar on Islam on my facebook one fine night and realised that in this worldly madness, I have forgotten the real reason I was sent to this world and am very far, pushed away from religion because of all the materialism in the world. I downloaded the Qur’an app on my phone and listened to a few Surahs before going to bed. That night I slept very peacefully and had not a single worry on my mind.
Closer to God, closer to your goals. Everything seems like it will work out fine for you. Life seems peaceful. I don’t know but whenever I read from the Qur’an it makes me feel like the rat race in my mind has paused for a bit and I’m walking on steady ground, without running towards anything, without the constant need to be in competition, just living, just seeing the beauty of everything around me, even in the air I breathe, the bed I lie on, the sound of the Television in the background and the click of my fingers on the laptop (because having fingers to type is also a blessing in itself). God makes me wonder about all those things. About being lucky enough to express myself through my feelings and writing them down in the form of words. And what more is a bigger blessing if people all across the world actually read and respond to your articles?
Doing something you love should ALWAYS be a priority in your life. Always. And I have realized that after earning money to fulfill all my needs, as an independent woman. No, I’m not dependent on my family anymore, except for the food I eat and occasionally the things I get. I’m not dependent on a man to get me gifts, I’m not dependent on anyone but myself, not even my father. So yes, God is always there when I’m getting stressed out and have my little anxiety attacks every now and then, he resides in my heart in those moments (and always too) and helps me realise that I should remain calm and appreciate everything I have, people have less and they are happy with their lives.
There is no need to loathe others for what they have, we are never in comparison. Maybe my deeds are better than their beautiful faces, and maybe I will be rewarded for that.
Maybe my hands have done better deeds for others than the beauty and jewels I see on their hands, everything isn’t transparent and we have got to realize that one honest, brutal truth about life.
People these days have gotten materialistic, and why is that? Because they don’t follow the Sunnah, because they have forgotten the teachings of the Holy Qur’an, because simplicity is something that makes them compare themselves to the less rich, to the mediocre, to the poor class.
Stop and meditate for a moment, even the movies you watch with a cup of coffee in your hands and family by your side, is the biggest blessing you have taken for granted.
Take out time to read the Qur’an sometimes, it will make you think life is beautiful, and that Allah is near.