Road to Self Discovery.

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En Route Self Discovery I call it. I’ve realized that my new favorite thing to do is spend time with myself, in solitude. Meditation helps me in getting rid of the negativity and bad vibes from the world. It makes me feel clean, fresh as a new day, innocent as a new born and ready to start my journey all over again.

Meditation, alot of reading, some cooking and alot of praying. Perfect ingredients these days, for self realization and discovery. I get plenty of time to ponder over reality, and how things are sugar coated in the world and not at all like that in real life. For truth is, by all means, bitter and cold.

Prayer helps heal your wounds, like medication to a sick person. It works like magic, it actually does. And the best part is, you feel as if God is listening. As if he is right there with you, listening to your heartbeat. He is there when you cry, He is there when you ask him for something you long to have, provided you long for something with good intentions. He is always there, listening to you ask Him for things you have no control over. Helpless, you turn your face away from the troubles and bitterness of the world and you turn to please God instead. It feels like I’m beginning a new chapter of my life. Clean slate, new person.

Sometimes I wonder to myself: what if it’s God who is waiting for me to turn to Him, so that He blesses me with all His Might? I am confused. Hoping that this time around I take all these signs seriously, and actually make myself have stronger faith in religion than I did before. Part of me also wants to do all that to please Nana Abbu (grandfather). He would recite the Qur’an so beautifully and with so much love, anyone was bound to listen to him and just be pleased with the melodious recitation, the beautiful words coming out of that beautiful angelic mouth. May your soul rest in peace and may your soul seek refuge in the highest airs of Jannah (Ameen).

Maybe this is a transition: a jump from one life to another. Maybe I have been blessed by Allah Almighty to experience this change. Or maybe I have seen too much pain and agony in the troubles of the world and now it’s time for me to please Allah other than people in my life. Maybe it’s time to turn towards God and find my Happiness with Him, and not seek it in people. It never gave me happiness, seeking happiness in material things or in human beings. Apart from my mother and grand father, there is not a human being who ever loved without asking for anything in return. And why would someone, anyway. Love is all about give and take, I have heard. But nana abbu, you just gave love and asked for a smile in return. Mother, you have always made me feel better and I have always been unable to do the same in your times of need. But rest assured, I try my best to make it happen, in my own special way.

What more do we need from life: except please God and love those who love you. Life isn’t about making the most friends, having the coolest reputation or having alot of riches. Life isn’t about throwing the best parties and wearing the most expensive clothes, or having the latest gadgets and making others feel inferior. Life isn’t about not understanding the troubles of others and complaining about your own all the time. Life isn’t a competition of ‘who has the most riches and the best life’. Life is about God. And remembering your faith in Him, and knowing that He is the only one whom you should please. Wear the clothes you have, thank God for them. Eat the food that has been given to you, thank the Lord for you have been provided with something to fill your stomach up with. Thank Him for a family, for shelter, for having people who love you and ask for nothing in return. Thank Him for giving you your religion, thank Him for everything.

Life is shaping up a little bit, maybe. I sought refuge everywhere, and came back home empty, always. This time around, I have a feeling it will be different. Please God, make it be different. It took alot of time for me to go deep down inside me and find out what it is I really wanted. And here it is: I discovered that I want to please my Lord, and that I will.

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