Dreading Nearing 25.

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As I look back at the 24 and a half years of my life that I’ve spent, I dread nearing 25, even though I have lived most of them happily, and have had amazing memories and even better times. 25 seems like a dangerous number to a woman; she is 5 years older than the 20 year old girls (who now look so young to her) and she thinks about the stupid things she went through in their age, and she also knows that there’s only 5 more years till she’s 30.

As I think about my 25th birthday, I have nothing but expectations. Sure, I achieved a few things in my last 24 years, but yes, there are still alot of things that I’ve put on the ‘wishlist’, which have still yet to be fulfilled. I feel older, though. I don’t enjoy the same way I used to, the excitement for alot of things is gone, and even today a few friends I met told me that ‘you look tired and unhappy, you’re not the same chirpy person you used to be!’. Well, geez, thanks guys, exactly what I needed to cheer me up.

Let’s skip the negative comments and get to the part where I think about the experiences I’ve gained. Yes, I worked with alot of multinational brands and made alot of contacts along the way, and I can sure as hell land a great job, (after I get done with my Masters ofcourse), and that is the priority of my life right now. Everything else goes hand in hand (whatever my wishlist tells me to do). And when I say there’s a wishlist, there is actually a wishlist in writing. And I penned down each and everything that came to my mind that I needed to get done before I turned 25. Yes, I know, its what an older woman would’ve done, and a younger woman would’ve just been like, ‘I ain’t got time to do that shit yet, I’m not 25’. Precisely.

Skipping the ups and downs throughout life, I think about the people I’ve come across. I must’ve met atleast a million different kinds of people: men and women both. I could write a book on male psychology, and even then women would not be able to figure out how men work and how their minds do. Well, I guess men would say the same but then again, who cares anyway. The problems of your life start as soon as you get to know how men perceive women, and what they want from them, and how they function. So basically, majority of the problems in a woman’s life, are related to men alone.

Skipping more bits because its 07:00 am and I have a class at 09:00 am, and because I need to rest for atleast an hour before I start getting dressed, I guess I would still want to celebrate it rather happily and invite all my really good friends. 25 is that age for a girl in Pakistan, where she gets pressurized by everyone around her ‘to get married’. To ‘start her own life’, ‘to have kids’, ‘to learn cooking’, ‘to take care of her husband’, ‘to listen to what her parents want and get married’, ‘to get married’. Basically, just that. So yeah, the pressure is onto me as soon as I’m 25. Not like it hasn’t been for the past couple of years, but this birthday is only gonna make things worse. Thanks, age and years. 

Feeling tired and sleepy, and also because I’m sick of studying and I wanna get it over with, I am gonna lie down on my bed now. And not think about the future so much. The wishlist is done, just need to save up on money and get things done. At this point in your life, you hear alot of things from people such as: ‘what have you done uptil now’, ‘are you satisfied with your life’, ‘don’t you think you could’ve done alot more if you weren’t liviing in such a society’ and so and so. But yes, you need to figure it all out in your head, and your will power needs to be really strong, to not think about such petty little issues and think that there’s no age to learn and do things that you regret you never did. 

I would say that I grew up alot in these years, I went through alot of pain in these years and I went through alot of miserable times, but they are the times that shaped me up well, and made me strong and courageous enough to face the world. ON MY OWN, and when I say this I really mean it. I have always been on my own, and nothing scares or stops me. 

To the good times, cheers. To the good and positive people who entered my life and stayed. Love you for being there. To the biggest blessings of my life, my friends, and my family, I love you all to bits. Thankyou for the endless love you have always showered upon me. I can never be thankful enough.

All I need right now and that too, before my 25th birthday, is to have my masters degree in my hand and be like ‘I did it’. I hope I get to the place I’ve been dreaming of and have been so consistent in achieving. God, do help me. 🙂

Bring it on, 25th. I still have a good 6 months to go through the 45 items on my wishlist and check them off. Goodnight world!

x

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5 Comments Add yours

  1. Ali says:

    May you get everything you ever wanted next year. 🙂

    1. sanagillani says:

      Thankyou. 🙂

    2. sanagillani says:

      InshaAllah. 🙂 You too.

  2. SRK DOTA says:

    As i am also 24, i can relate to your feelings girl. you keep the reader poised and interested. thats what matters for a writer/blogger.
    Btw, if its 6am, then good morning would have sufficed.

    1. sanagillani says:

      haha Morning! Thanks so much, I’m glad you gave it a read. I’m glad I can keep someone interested, I write everything from the heart and it means alot to me if someone takes out time to give me their reviews. Also, criticism may help me improve even further. 🙂 Please do. Thanks once again.

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