I want.

I want to travel the world, with my mother and my brother by my side, always. I want us to dine in the finest of places, to laugh together, to enjoy all the beauty in the world, to smell all the good smells in the world, to touch and feel all the art and beauty around them, to walk together, to sleep, eat and talk together, act like three best friends lost in time. I want to go to bars, to taste the different drinks and to see all the people happily dancing; some with their lovers, others with their husbands, others with total strangers about to become the best of soul mates. I want to feel extreme temperatures; go out in the freezing snow wearing absolutely minimal clothes and to go out in the scorching heat wearing leather pants and jackets. Yes, I want to be crazy and doing just that would make me extremely happy. I want to have alot of piercings, in the most bizarre of places, with the most profane of words and drawings. I want to dye my hair blue, and dye my hair red and pink the following days. I want to buy alot of cameras, and lots of expensive lens and tripods, and travel the world and capture each and every moment, so I may savour it all in my head and later have a memory of everything that my life took me through. I want to capture expressions, moments, happiness, joy, sorrow, tears, everything through my pictures. I want to read and write, and to write and read. I want to love, and to be loved. Love my parents, my grand parents, my uncles my aunts, my brother and my sister, my nephew, and my maids. Everyone I come across, I want to spread love to. And I want to be loved more in return. I want to get hair extensions, and I want to get white highlights. I want to have a Mercedes in which I drive around, and to have a huge house for a mansion which I would buy especially for my Mom as a birthday gift. I want everyone around me to be happy, always, and I pray for them every night to be happy, always. I want to ace my university and to have the best grades anyone ever got in my entire family. I want to be a writer, a singer, and an actor when I graduate. I want to produce and direct films and I want to introduce the greatest horror films ever known to Pakistani Cinema. I want to research on my country and write about the beauty of it, and I want to come across people who inspire me to write enough. I want to eat in all the different restaurants of the world, to dine in the finest of places, drink the finest of drinks and go to all the expensive hotels in the world. I wish to have no stress, no anxiety, to clean my head from all that there ever was and to think about the future, and to feel at peace within and not worry about a single thing in the world.  I want to experience life without being numb half the time, I want to open myself up to other people and I want the same from them. I want to look into people’s eyes and be able to tell what they are feeling, or thinking. I want to run out on the roads when it rains and I want to feel the cold water drip down my body, and deep into my soul. I want to laugh and cry and shout and scream and yell without being told that its wrong or the neighbours would think I’m crazy. I want to learn all the different instruments that I can come across. I want to learn about the different animals in the world, and to have a few of them in my  house even. Feed them, clean their cages, take them out for walks, talk to them, research, see them grow. I want to plant vegetables and fruits inside my garden, I want to see them turn into beautiful, fresh and healthy food. I want to sit and home and relax and be able to enjoy as little as the air around me and the sunlight that comes through my window. I want to be less than worried about what happens in life or what’s in store, and not fear the future. I want to find calm, and stillness in my mind, and to be able to meditate without finding the perfect, calm and peaceful spot.  I want to grow old knowing I did all these things, and that, in the end, life was worth something. It is time to ask yourself the same question: Do you know what you want?

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