Dear Ustani Jee,
Im very upset at your sudden demise. You left me here all alone, and didn’t even give me a chance to say goodbye. My mentor, my everything, you taught me how to read the Qur’an at such an early age. Because of you, I had the privelege of finishing it thrice, and I still remember how we would sit down in our house in Defence, while you sipped on ‘rooh afza’ and corrected me on ‘zairs’ and ‘zabars’. I have to admit, I thought the lessons used to be so long! Do you remember how much of a complainer I was? Yes, I would always complain. And sometimes tell you to let me relax and take a day off. And when you would, I would rejoice. Ofcourse, never in front of you. I always had that respect for you and everything you did. Everything you said. Whatever you were and whatever you will always always be for me. You have been there for my mother for so long. Been closer to her than her own blood relations, she has asked and seeked your advice every step of the way and I know for a fact, you will always remain deep inside her. You will always live for us Ustani Jee. In our hearts forever. Seeing your beautiful self I couldn’t help but wonder, do people look this ‘full of noor’ when they pass away? When I touched you, I felt your soft skin and your cheeks so plump, oh Ustani Jee they felt like soft cotton balls. I wanted to kiss your cheeks like I always would, but the other women kept pushing me and I was unable to sit near you even. But Ustani Jee if anyone looked at your face they just couldn’t stop looking. You were there for all those people who were present today. Helping them out in their sorrows, being the reason of their joys and happiness. Yes, you made life easier with your medicine and duas. You were a blessing, a prophet, you were Allah mian’s blessing upon them. I don’t think there ever existed a woman living in such poor conditions yet had a heart of a Queen. You were willing to give your all to strangers who came to you for help, people who cried for their dead children or their home issues, you would feel their pain as your own and cry for them. You were hurt so easily, you used to weep for other peoples’ miseries. Oh Ustani Jee, I learnt so much from you. How to forgive and forget, how to be a better person, to always be happy no matter what Allah brings your way, to accept problems just like happiness is accepted easily, I have no words to tell you tonight how much Im going to miss you. This denotes a big , big loss in my life. Whatever I write to you, is because I was unable to tell you all this in the last few days of your life. I was just waiting for life to be less busy, so I could come and see you. But how we plan for things, and God plans otherwise. Ustani Jee forgive me for I was unable to kiss your face for the last time and hold you in my arms and feel the warmth of your hug. Forgive me if I ever hurt your feelings, I love you and I will love you forever. You will never ever feel that I have forgotten you, because I never will. I never will forget the sight I saw today. I never will forget all the memories, everything. I will just not. I know it. I love you so much Ustani Jee, I just wanted to tell you that.
I’ll miss you. With lots of love,